Defacation Distractions

Posted on February 23rd, 2008 by admin

According to my go-to source for knowledge (Wikipedia) defecation is defined as:

“Defecation is the act or process by which organisms eliminate solid or semisolid waste material (feces) from the digestive tract via the anus.”

As of a few weeks ago, I am the proud parent of a bouncing baby boy. His name is Hurley. He is small, furry, and smells funny. He is my dog. Hurley is about four months old and is currently undergoing training to become the perfect pet. Becoming the perfect pet isn’t an easy task for either of us. One of the challenges that Hurley has is controlling when and where he does his bidness. Now I could take this post and turn it into a “How many times did the dog pee and/or poo in the house?” post, but I think I’ll keep it simple and tell you about one small piece of the potty training pie.

Hurley, who happens to be a terrier mix, has a problem with distractions. All puppies can be plagued with this sort of ADD-type disorder. If having ADD was a contest, he would win the trophy. The puppy ADD usually isn’t an issue, except with it’s potty time. He is doing a pretty good job of recognizing that when I say, “Go potty Hurley,” this means start doin’ your thing. Unfortunately for me, Hurley has the uncanny ability to stop a free flowing pee in an instant. He also has the uncanny ability to, shall I say, pinch a terd, like nobody’s business. This abrupt stop in urination and/or defecation is usually caused by something that he sees, hears, or smells. For example, when a leaf rustles by, the urine valve is shut off. Or his personal favorite, when he hears a voice 4.7 miles away…a terd is pinched. And if another dog is walking within a 2 mile radius and he senses it…were done.

This of course creates a problem for me. I know that if he only pees for .0002 seconds, that there’s probably more pee in there that will need to come out soon. I know that when he gets distracted from doing his bidness it will be at least another 10-15 minutes until it can resume. Oh, the joys of puppy ownership.

Hurley’s regular potty spot used to be across the driveway in a little grassy area near the garages. Now I’m getting lazy and his new potty spot is in the grassy spot right outside our door. In Hurley’s defense there is a great deal of noise and distractions around this complex, especially in the morning. Hurley has to poo every morning, that’s just his schedule. I’m starting to get this fuzzball figured out. Since his new potty spot is close to our door and the hallway, we run the risk of having his potty time interrupted by something or someone. Someone, being this chick that lives upstairs (she has loud sex with her bf). She leaves for work about the same time that Hurley is trying to drop his morning load. The second he hears her high heel shoes clicking down the steps…..Done….no more poopy. So I bring Hurley back inside, give him his breakfast of kibble, and give him some time to think about expelling the rest of his stuff. Sometimes he will poo or pee again on the morning walks, sometimes he won’t. I think the key to solving this problem would be a sound proof, solid box with a grass floor for him to use as his personal bathroom, maybe a doggy blindfold and doggy earplugs, or maybe I should just get the chick upstairs a pair of real shoes with rubber soles-like normal people wear.

“Here’s some quiet shoes to wear so you quit distracting my dog from his morning defecation. And oh yeah, BTW…would you mind keeping your fake sex noises to a minimum, my dog just got neutered and I don’t want him to get depressed.”