Pegleg Starfish

Coulrophobia is the technical term for clown haters.  A person with Coulrophobia has an abnormal or exaggerated fear of clowns.  I found some info on the Internet stating that although there are no official statistics, some experts believe that as many as 1 in 7 people suffer from some level of this debilitating disease.  I am one of them. 

I don’t know if I’d actually diagnose myself as having Coulrophobia, but I really dislike clowns.  I’m surely not a candidate for the Maury show, ya know the show where they sit the people down on stage and scare the hell out of them with tinfoil or kittens or cotton balls or whatever.  Man, those are funny.  I don’t cry when I see a clown, but if I never saw another clown for the rest of my life I would be OK.  I don’t really know why I have such disdain for these cheery, white-faced, freaks.  Maybe I had a run in with a clown when I was a tyke, who knows?  Just last weekend I spotted one of the scariest clowns I have ever seen.  I could kick myself for not taking his picture.  We were at an outdoor market.  The market itself was dirty and dusty with vendors selling everything from stereos to parakeets to turkey legs to Chihuahuas.  As T and I were wandering the market we turned the corner and there he was.  This clown was slightly overweight, wearing dirty overall bibs (why do clowns always wear these?), and had that classic clown face, but the colors were running together a bit due to the heat.  I think he was working on some balloon animals.  I don’t care what he was working on, he was creepy as hell.  I don’t know if I could really trust a guy who chooses a job in which he has to wear a multi-colored wig, giant shoes, and greasy make-up.  Unless of course we’re talking about one of the KISS members.  I’d totally trust those guys.  Just imagine being locked up in the room with a clown.  No freakin’ way.

Ever since T has know about my clown hating ways he has made it his goal to point out every clown within a 50 mile radius.  I probably could have walked the entire market without noticing that clown, but not T. “Hey Julie, look over there.”  I will always fall for it.  Another one of T’s crowning achievements was getting me to watch the movie, “Killer Klowns from Outer Space.”  Here’s the link to this god-awful movie:

Killer Klowns from Outer Space

This movie, with the release date of 1988, is strangely enough one of T’s favorite movies from his childhood.  WTF?  He was apparently one messed up little kid.  He actually had to order the movie on EBay because, of course, no movie store would ever carry such nonsense.  If you and your pals are ever bored, and I mean REALLY, REALLY, bored then watch it.  If not, don’t worry, you’ll live a normal life without ever seeing it.  Here’s the main clown from the movie.  Scary!  And FYI, they kill people by wrapping them up in cotton candy.  Go figure.

I read an article in “Real Simple” magazine, recently about phobias and what you can do to alleviate them.  Here is the recommendation that the authors gave to help alleviate Coulrophobia:

“Look at clowns in photos, then on a video.  Next, see a live clown from the back of a theater.  If possible, watch one put on makeup, says Bruce Johnson, a professional clown based in Washington State who has worked with fearful adults for over 30 years.” 

Well Mr. Johnson…I’m going to pass.  I do not want to watch you from the back of a theater and I especially don’t want to watch you put on your freak make-up. 

And don’t even think about offering me any cotton candy.  

J