Yes..actually I am staring at you

Posted on February 28th, 2008 by admin

I absolutely love sunglasses. I have probably owned 100 pairs of sunglasses in my 22 years. If I was really rich I would spend lots of money on ridiculously expensive sunglasses. If I was really poor I would steal them.

There are several reasons why they are one of my favorite possessions. First of all, they block the sun’s deadly rays from burning holes in my corneas. Secondly, they just look good and add style to any outfit. Unless of course, you’re a little old lady who wears the giant black sunglasses over her regular glasses. And the last but possibly MOST important reason why I love sunglasses is because it gives me the ability to stare at people without them knowing it. If you’re a people watcher like me then get yourself a dark pair of sunglasses and go to town…or the mall…or the park. Sure sunglasses let me check out the hottie in the convertible next to me without him knowing, but I would much rather use them to stare at weirdos and ugly people. They’re much more interesting and easier to make fun of. It’s pretty funny to see what people will do when they think no one is watching. Just imagine if someone was watching you right now. Are you picking your nose? Wearing sweatpants with a hole in the crotch? Rearranging your junk? Guys do this all the time. Of course, most could care less if anyone was watching anyway.

Fair warning to those of you who are currently taking part in this activity or those who are thinking about starting: make sure that you’re sunglasses are dark enough so that your eyes can’t be seen. It’s awkward when someone asks you why you’re staring at them and you don’t have a good reason. Another rule of thumb is that you have to stare nonchalantly. If you sit on a park bench looking in the direction of the swing set wearing a black hoody and sunglasses, this can make you look like more of a child predator. Not a good idea. I’m not saying that watching kids is out of the question, because they always do dumb stuff when they don’t think anyone is watching, but just do it in a non-molester kind of way. Another risk of sunglass staring (I need a catchy name for this hobby), is that you may end up with perpetual ‘raccoon-eyes.’ Since I like the big sunglasses, the skin around my eyes never sees the sun. This won’t seem like such a bad thing when I’m 70 and all my friends have Grand Canyon crows feet and the skin around my eyes is fresh as a 13 year old.

Note how the mirrored sunglasses totally deflect any possibility of being spotted. You can see the camera sitting on my coffee table along with a red Solo cup, a laptop, and the cable remote. Sweet.

So next time you see someone in your vicinity wearing dark or mirrored sunglasses automatically assume that they are staring at you. This will save you from being the butt of someones joke on a blog that goes by the name of peglegstarfish.com.