Old People Gross Me Out

Posted on August 22nd, 2008 by admin

Not all old people gross me out. For the most part I feel that older people are rather clean and have good hygiene. But as a program director at a senior living facility-I see both sides of the cleanliness spectrum. I’ve been around a gentleman who had scabies. I’ve been enlisted to inspect a residents’ ringworm. I’ve seen a resident hock a loogie from their second story balcony. I’ve seen a woman walk around with urine stained pants. And just recently, I’ve had my ass patted by a nasty old man. That one really set me over the edge.

Today I’m going to walk you through a little incident that happened about a week ago. It doesn’t involve body lice, sexual harassment, blood, or feces. But it was just as bad.

Culprit: Wanda *names have been changed to protect the dirty innocent.

As a recreation professional (dang that sounds kinda fancy) I am required to come up with new and exciting events for the residents (age 50-103) to partake in. These things include exercise classes, nutrition seminars, shopping trips, outings, etc. About a week ago we had yet another fun and exciting event for the seniors. And please don’t confuse ‘fun and exciting for an old person’ with ‘fun and exciting for a person who isn’t old.’ We had a little get together where an actor/history buff came to the party and did a little story-telling. He took on the character of James Bowie. Knife and all. He told his life story and vividly spoke about the battle at the Alamo. The residents actually loved it. But let’s get to Wanda. Our rather un-hygienic senior citizen.

Whenever we have socials/events/whatever, we always have refreshments. If we didn’t give them drinks and snacks they’d never come to any of our activities. Before the James Bowie began his Alamo adventure, I passed around some punch. Wow-you know you’re old when the only beverage option at a party is punch. Wanda loves her some punch. She never misses a social and always takes advantage of the free food and drinks. I’m not exactly sure how old Wanda is, but it’s pretty large number. From a medical standpoint, I would have to say that she’s in the early stages of dementia. Please note that I am not trying to make fun of anyone with dementia. I know she would have done this no matter what her mental state. Luckily for her, she’s in pretty good health and can take care of herself. She strolled into the James Bowie event and seemed to be enjoying herself.

It’s hit and miss with Wanda though. She can change her attitude in a flash. This is also the same woman who came to the Wii bowling party and stormed out claiming that virtual bowling gives people a false sense of bowling ability. “It’s just not at all like real bowling!” Back to the Bowie event. Wanda grabbed a seat right up front next to the actor. All of the other spectators were sitting on the opposite side so that they could see him, but Wanda wanted to be practically next to him. I got her some punch-fruit punch-and the show began. I was sitting in the back keeping an eye on things when I noticed Wanda dumping sugar packets into her fruit punch. Apparently 8 million grams of sugar per serving just wasn’t enough for her. But wait!! How will Wanda stir the punch to dissolve the sugar. I didn’t hand out spoons as I didn’t foresee this event happening. But Wanda is smart. She carries a bag around with her that usually contains everything but the kitchen sink. I saw her grab her bag from the floor and I just assumed that she had a spoon with her. Everyone carries an extra spoon around, right?

I see her pull out something shiny and silver, but it’s not a spoon. Is it a fork? No. A knife? No. I watch closely and see her unfolding something, I can’t quite make it out. For some reason I assumed it was a fold up spoon. Like a ‘travel spoon.’ I don’t even know if those exist. Finally it dawns on me. Wanda has pulled out a toenail clipper from her bag of tricks. A TOENAIL CLIPPER! She unfolded it and stuck one end into her punch and began to stir. I think I actually gagged and/or threw up in my mouth. I know that this wasn’t a new toenail clippers or even a clean one. Wanda has probably been cutting her toenails with the same clipper since 1921.

Although I couldn’t see it up close, I have a pretty good feeling that it was full of grime and goo and ahaudhhuuhgggg….. She didn’t even seem to think twice about using the clippers as a stirring spoon. It was no big deal. She stirred away for what seemed like an eternity and then removed the clippers from the punch. But she didn’t wipe them off with her napkin. Nope. She held them up to her mouth and licked them. Like the type of licking you’d do if you were cleaning the beaters after mixing up cake batter. Slurping/licking. OMG!! Then she casually folded them back up and tossed them into her bag.

Are you grossed out? I’m sorry. But it was just suck a shocking moment that I knew that I absolutely had to share it with you.

You’re welcome.