Bare Breasted Feeding (The Great Teat Debate)

Posted on August 26th, 2008 by admin

This post is for the ladies! And the pervvy men of course. I wouldn’t want to leave you out! I love pervs.

This post is for the ladies who have small children, plan on having small children, or know someone who has a small child. And by small child, I mean any child that is small enough to fall into the “Possibly Breastfeeding” category.

It’s all about the BOOBS here at PLSF today. I seem to talk about boobs a lot. Well…for someone who doesn’t have boobs. But anyway…I’m talking about the great boob debate. And I don’t mean the Democratic Convention; which may also be mistaken for a boob debate. I’m talking about those of you who breastfeed your children. I suppose that I’m not the best one to be debating about this issue, but it’s my blog. And I can. I’m not a big fan of breast feeding. I think it’s gross and icky and everything else. In all reality, I think that breast feeding is a wonderful thing. Assuming that the MOM isn’t smoking crack or anything. I’m sure that I will breastfeed someday. Uhhhggg..just got the heebie jeebies thinking about a child suckling from my teat. Eww! But it’s the best thing for babies even with all the new technology and research going into developing formulas. (Is there a lot of technology and research going into developing baby formula? I really have no idea) I’m assuming that someone out there is doing that. Boob milk is still the way to go. And sometimes I srsly think that my friends who claim to be breastfed are smarter than average. I wasn’t breastfed when I was a baby, so I blame my lack of math skills on my Mom.

But if you’re breastfeeding your spawn…cover up your boobs. I don’t want to see it. I know this is a big debate among everyone, not just Moms. Some people say, “Oh, it’s the most natural thing in the world.” I believe that is a true statement. It’s right up there with sex and Twittering. The people who are all for bare breasted feeding have no idea why other people would be offended by it. I’m not offended when I see it, but I do feel a little uncomfortable. Boobs are private parts that aren’t normally exposed, so I don’t think I’m strange for feeling a little uneasy with your nipples and suckling children in my personal space. I don’t have my boobs hanging out all up in your face so put yours away. And I know…I know…it’s hard for busy Moms. You have to feed your spawn where you can. I get that. But srsly, how hard is it to throw a little blanket over the milky mess? I’m excited for you that your bra has cups that hinge to allow easy access for baby. Great. But I don’t need to see you unlatching your nip covers and sticking your kid on them. I respect the fact that you breastfeed and are doing what’s best for your baby. Honestly. And feel free to feed your child wherever and whenever you feel the need. But just cover it up.

Unless of course, you’re in your own home (as long as I’m not a guest). If you’re in private then of course there’s no need to cover the nipples and suckiling spawn. Let it all hang out. But if I’m the passenger on the plane, train, or automobile who happens to be sitting next to you-then cover that crap up!

I don’t know where, why, or how I found this amazingly cute product, but I just thought I’d share. To benefit those of you who may be Mom’s who are looking for a stylish and cute way to cover up your engorged teats and suckling spawn.

Hooter Hiders

It’s sort of like an apron type thingy. You could be smuggling a sack of potatoes under there. It has a wire on the top that sort of holds it open so you can keep an eye on the business at hand. Look how nicely they cover up the nipples and suckage that I know is happening under that smock. I love the name and I absolutely love the funky/chic patterns that it comes in.

If you’re guilty of expoing your teats to innocent members of the general public then put a Hooter Hider on your wish list. If you already have one of these, then give yourself a pat on the back. You saved many a person from that awkward breastfeeding situation. They want to look away, but they can’t. It’s like a car accident. Not that I’m comparing children and breastfeeding to car accidents in any way.

So much more appealing than the “Letting it all hang out option.”

Nippage

Oh Maggie Gyllenhaal. I still enjoy your acting though. And thank you to egotastic.com for putting nippage shots of celebs on the Internet. I hope you don’t mind the smiley face that I added to your pic!

Any just an FYI for any friends or family members that plan on having children. You will be receiving a HOOTER HIDER for your baby shower. And I expect you to use it!